Loving Self Awareness…

On the road we called life we change and shift at points in our lives, some more memorable than others.

Those self reflective “ah ha!” moments … “Now I get it!” the goosebumps.

These are my favorite moments, I love to learn.

What I have learnt about self awareness is the key to love and accept the old parts of self or myself.

When I make the decisions to stop something I know is keeping me down or in a low vibration, it takes honest, focus, practice and trust that I can let it go.

If I am not happy with a type of habit, I will become aware, I have the choice to take a step in the direction of it or the direction away from it.

Neither are good or bad to me as I know later on in life ( if it is meant to be let go) I will have the courage to do so, and if not it will pop up again each time louder and more in my face so to speak.

I decided to quit drinking last summer, I just felt it was keeping my vibration in a lower state , I felt so tired and drained even after one glass of wine. 

I thought OK, so stop and have a year off, but in these last ten months I had to detox all the emotions attached to why I drank in the first place? Which I had to learn were not bad or good but more about…

“Is this serving me”? Do I want the repercussions”? From just one glass of wine I felt sick, tired and not connected.

I used to drink as a form of relief or to escape my gifted sensitive feelings, because I love to dance and move my body. Stopping drinking was the easy part , the detox that followed …was not expected. 

The reasons why I drank in social settings was something that caused me the day after serve anxiety and later waves of depression but I just thought this is part of it “normal”, I know it is, alcohol is a depressant for many people.

I have heard many say drinking keeps your vibration low and I had to detox for a while when become attuned in Reiki so I was aware and I found it easy to let go of for a month.

I did not comprehend the amount emotions that came to surface and be released and need to be felt , until I quit.

As I allowed these emotions to surface and parts of my power to return to me, I just decided drinking is not for me, no judgement either, just it´s time to let it go.

Thank you for serving me and all the fun times but I don´t think I want that feeling anymore or again.

I asked myself the simple question ” why”? and the answer was ” I do not want to, I didn’t come here to do things I no longer enjoy. Damn!

I had come to a deep awareness that, what I was suppressing is my abilities to feel in such a deep and profound way around others. I had not met many people who had felt like this… yet. 

I even tried not drinking and going back to just being in the same environment a few times, but it did not work. I felt equally as tired & drained. 

These thoughts & feelings are not to shame or hold guilt on my old self, just to witness her and accept that she has changed, with loving awareness that I may change a lot through life and now I am aware.

Most importantly I have the courage to know what is serving me and to let go of what is not.

To lovingly let it go with gratitude & a sense of peace, I had to grieve that part of me and that was unexpected too.

This is not to say that drinking is bad as I enjoyed it and had a blast, I am sharing this in the hope to remind myself that feeling is more valuable to me than suppressing.

It was one of the gifts, I was not judging myself when I was drinking , I was very present with it, free and not worried, but I started to feel lost when I didn’t want to anymore, I no longer wanted to be out in the crowds.

Instead I wanted to return back to the forest and be lost in the wilderness of nature & my own soul.

I have danced myself across many dance floors, I have left my footprints there and maybe the loving awareness that when the times ready, to leave and go home.

Is that what awakening is? A coming home to who you are.

Accepting it all along the way, with a loving awareness.

These changes have taken places in many areas of my life, not just drinking.

Maybe one day I like apples and the next I won’t … but I can choose to lovingly accept it or not.

It will make the journey interesting whatever I choose. We are always changing, shifting and evolving, conscious or not.

I have no plans or judgment in the right way to go, only the compass of my deep intuition guiding me across this earth & I am grateful, grateful for it all.

I felt my inner guidance system say ” I just wanna treat you better” 🙂

Thanks for reading.

Published by Caz Cosmos

A cosmic soul on a wild ascension ride. Hey reader. Thank you from my soul to yours for being as curious about my fears and thoughts, about life and its changes as I have been. I am thanking you now as you have chosen to read my perspective, hear my voice and for that I am grateful.

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