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2020-2021

I woke up with a thought today about all the souls who left this planet and all the souls who joined us today.

When we look up at the clouds and see faces, are those the faces of lost souls? trapped ghosts? or just faces or funny shapes? Are they the faces of those who left this planet today or those who are coming in?

After mulling over the sky for a while I came to wonder just that, are we always looking into our world or the world beyond. Is the sky a gateway a portal to our subconscious living?

How many babies were born the year in 2020? All they saw were masked people, how special it must have been for some of them when they got home to see their parents faces smiling down at them.

How many souls will leave and join us in 2021?

It is natural for us to always seek the bad and good in things , look into peoples worlds and look deep into the clouds for faces, shapes and ask questions.

We’re all the babies born in 2020 doing the same? Did they understand why we were all wearing masks? Did it even bother them? I imagine for one It might have felt like looking at the clouds and hoping to see a face or some form of expressions, some answers maybe to our wondering.

What kind of souls will they be? What kind of world have they come to?

Will stay long? Will we? Will I?

As I watch the clouds spilt the sky in two parts at sunset , it’s like two worlds have been created or for a passing moment I have seen into another perspective, I have seen into another world.

The sky holds endless beauty, always moving and alchemising energy, if you can’t find love or beauty then look to a cloudy day at sunset or sunrise. It might just show you into another world or create thoughts unknown. The sky is the limit they say and the possibilities are endless.

May this year dear reader bring you new worlds to see into, new faith in your mind, body and soul and cloud 9 moments.

To a happy, abundant and insightful new year. With love and blessings ❤

words in sands

Write, speak, dance, cry or paint your words to world. They are not stupid, they are not bland, they matter.

They move mountains and blow breezes in the hot dessert, your words speak truth in the lies of the darkness, your words acting as light glittering on a waters edge. They bring me home and wrap me up in a warm blanket.

They quench my thirst in shadows of my own blackouts, drinking them in I consciously find my way again.

Your words are a rest stop on a weary path, a seat in caves taking shelter from the storm, lighting bolts of wonder entering a troubled soul.

Your words are wonderful, they have pulled me through an everlasting journey from a souls point of view.

Humbling words that break gently the branches we keep from the tree called life. I collect your words like fallen leaves in autumn time, crunching them , taking them in one at a time.

Sounds of the words don’t shatter my all, break me movingly into pieces, only find I have always been whole.

lost lovers

felt your touch of the base of my back

tingled it did, felt love from that

you danced free under the glittering moon

smoky city lights and cigarettes lit 

feet tapping against the pavements 

we were just soaked in it

i followed you down

and then back up again

twisted in your memory 

i cried a thousand times

will you go on being that way

did you want me to leave 

i wanted to stay 

as you close the door, feeling the rush leave

you behaved like it didnt matter

like it wasn’t meant to be

i watched from the window

crossing the street

the wind blew past you and everything changed

you are not you and i am not me

these are fleeting times

now only a distance memory 

will you go back there with me

in a time machine

i hoped it whispered something to you 

may it of opened you

i flew away and never looked back 

i miss you sometimes

and i am finally ok with that.

Awareness, healing and honesty for the physical body.

I am not a doctor, but I am a self healer… that means I have tried doctors, modern medicine and it has not worked for me.

I am grateful for their help, after years of trying corticosteroids they have just not done it for me, I prefer a more holistic approach to life and using herbs and old witches, sorry I mean wives tails…why?

Because I feel they work for me and I think my body needs natural things, this is my healing journey and I have to do what feels right for me, as I would say to anyone reading this, do what feels right for you. ALWAYS.

(I learnt about how these imbalances have contributed to the overall healing process of my decaying body)

EXERCISE & DIET- its so cliché but it works

I had to choose an exercise I love and enjoy doing, like walking, yoga and hiking, swimming in sea, I tried the gym but It was not for me as this muscle disease likes to eat my muscles so I let go of having a perfectly fit body, 

Sometimes just a good 30 mins walk can be enough to release some endorphins, I could even write it down and put it in my calendar, set a reminder to do it, listen to my favourite music and just walk or go on a gentle hike. 

Mother nature is a healer, we live in a world of noise and electronic devices, it can take its toll on us, getting out in some fresh air and walk off those worries.

Exercise is the key and let food be my medicine… 

We eat 3 times a day some more, some less.

The biggest wake up call for me, I was not educated on food, I have always been slim (or skinny as people loved to call me) I didn’t know what I needed to eat, what I was allergic to?

I felt tired from some foods and I didn’t want to eat them.

Most of the foods I eat are plant based, it makes me happy because nutrients has that effect on the body which I didn’t learn about… I learnt what was cool to eat and quick fix. To be honest in my family we ate over boiled veg and a typical 90´s English food growing up. 

I also learnt the factory farming meat/dairy industry is torture and our oceans are so polluted. I stopped eating meat and dairy and its changed my health, my skin, physical pain and inflammation in my body has improved and still is. 

Food is a big part of my medicine but it can also help with depression, anxiety and many other problems that comes with a disease in the body.

The second brain is in your gut I am told, what you feed your gut and what you feed your brain will ultimately shape a lot of day to day feelings.

Feeding myself better felt great. I am blessed to have learnt this.

Everything in moderation as they say… 80/20 …. 70/30 I still eat chocolate and crisps some days but I try to choose healthier options. 

I choose to educate myself and become my own nutritionist, guru and person trainer, google and the world wide web has open so many doors for self healing, the portals are endless.

Self taught and Self made.

I started researching & feeding the body food I could digest or what’s the point , its just a waste of money and time if we are not feeding our bodies what it needs then it can´t function properly, I like to think of it like a car if the water and oils are low it won’t run right. 

I was not taught how to listen to my body (inner-voice), notice how it feels, do I have a sugar addiction? Can I digest all that food? Did I eat any fruit today?

I also learnt about some major body balances.

PH BALANCE- The acid or alkaline balance in our bodies, illness loves to live in an acidic environment, whatever we are eating or putting into our bodies to cause mucus and that can cause inflammation.

Acid causes inflammation, most illnesses, diseases … cause inflammation in the body, If I could start to understand inflammation, I might just be able to find healing I thought 4 years ago.

ARGININE & LYSINE – These are amino acids to help our bodies fight infection and heal, these are naturally found in foods. So eating enough of both is essential to a healthy balanced diet.

HORMONAL BALANCE-

It’s never fun waking up to a chin full of acne and not knowing why, Chinese face mapping explains where to help find the root and links it to an organ that needs some attention.

If any of these are out of balance there will be signs and symptoms. I am not a doctor but my body told me so.

YOUR BODY IS ALWAYS SPEAKING TO YOU.

Body Talk

I started speaking kindly to my body, if we are not already, we are stuck living inside this shell for however long we are here so might as well be kind, try to get along and see our own beauty from the surface to the deep ocean floor of ourselves.

Maybe when we start appreciating our bodies, feeding them with colours, food prepared with love but yes that chocolate brownie too!

Everything in balance, moderation it shows, it helps us level up and glow.

Sunshine, yes that beautiful vitamin D source, I know about skin cancer and yes we need to be careful in the sun but do we get enough of it?

Some of us adults spend so much time indoors, or maybe that was just me?

It´s almost like our parents growing up said “kids go outside” like it’s a punishment, but are we punishing ourselves from the lack of Vitamin D?

How much time do we spend indoors? This is a question I needed to review.

I love my body, its my vessel and its beautiful … but it didn’t matter until I had the realised that.

Honesty, can be life changing, as all that really matters is what I am consuming on all levels of my being, physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually.

I have brought my self out of death cycle, I still have a lot to do and far to go, but consciously choosing health is now my new wealth.

Healing comes in waves and on all levels…. next I will share about the emotional body.

Thanks for reading.

Ancestral Trauma

Generations of Trauma, surpressed emotions and boxes/labels.

We all have come from trauma, even if we personally haven’t (which is highly rare) experienced it in our lives right now, our parents or grandparents have experience it because of the wars, so it is already in our DNA.

What does trauma teach us ?

What we should we do to heal from it? … Are we able to let go of the past?

What labels have been passed on to us, what boxes have we been put in?

Trauma that is not dealt with , ends up effecting our lives and the more closed off our society was at the time, or the environment it took place in, will teach us the awareness that is needed, about how each generation is carrying its own bag of trauma.

We are all trying to heal and probably need that thing called love to heal our trauma with very healthy boundaries.

Freeing ourself from the labels and realising we are sovereign. If you remove yourself from the environments that created the trauma, labels and boxes… who are you really?

Admitting it or not? Owning it or not? We all experience or have access to the same emotions.

The shame behind crying is in the human shadow, we may say we are are a cryer but the person who sees us crying may act as if its alien which then can derail our presence with our tears and emotions. Like when you are kid and everyone tells you to stop crying.

BE present with crying , it can become our tool for pain relief, releasing stored emotions, when we stop trying to change it, judge it or reject it ,just let flow , crying is such a beautiful thing to experience, you let go….surrender in the moment and let go… that sounds like healing.

Love & Awareness

On this journey I learnt about the deep opening of my heart chakra overtime the heartbreaks and hurtful things in there where ready to be released and then came  awareness of them, acceptance, then came healing.

Along with the third eye and all the other chakras and energy portals that we all have, aware or not… they are vibrating and moving in and out with our thoughts & emotions… attaching or detaching as we shift through a label of life.

We can not see them, …well some of us can… maybe in the future these things will be more visible to the two eyes.

“Hey Bob, your throat chakra is looking a bit blocked, is there something you felt you needed to say?

Our species is evolving to higher consciousness, our gifts are being activated, light codes are flooding in, some of our ancestors may have had their gifts and talents shamed by outside influences. The question is, why? How powerful are we?

For some of us, this is a whole other type of awakening and liberation.

Love is something we feel and sometimes we see it with acts of kindness or a warm embrace, but we know it´s there….So is our power.

Feeling is powerful, being connected, we feel when someone is giving us the evil eye with out even looking at them or gossiping behind our back, we know.

The 5 senses or 6th sense are not all visible to everyone, you can not always see what you are feeling but you know it´s there. 

Awareness and Love together are like the heart chakra and third eye connecting and going out on a really good date and walking each other home at night with the knowing they will see each other again.

When we choose healing, we choose to feel but also to be aware of what is, was and has been, also what could be. 

Awareness can activate when we choose to honour our pain, troubles and woes that were passed down to us or passed on. Breaking the cycle some call it, that’s when things really start to shift.

Look in the eye of the storm, before we pass through the eye of the needle.

As we open ourselves to the awareness that we all have suffered and many are trying to heal and come to a place of presence, understanding and acceptance.

Along with the wisdom of what suppressed us in the first place, where we gave our power away and where will shall not repeat our past mistakes.

We all have our gifts on earth, is love a choice or is it a gift? is it both?

Without love, what would there be? If you are reading this today and we are still here, then there must be love on this planet … which means awareness is there, somewhere … waiting to be seen or felt.

Awareness of what you might be thinking, well I mean anything, love applies to all areas to everything dead or living, so awareness can be there too.

The awareness of the trauma we have all suffered can be there too, and that floats in perfectly with compassion.

As our Ancestors watch from beyond the veil, do you think think they are judging us? or clapping along, rooting for you, all the shit you have overcome, maybe it´s different to their experiences but it does not mean it´s any less valuable to the awareness behind suffering and the compassion that follows.

Generations before us had their shit to go through and so have we.

If you choose to live , you are learning, if you are hurting… you can also choose healing.

Earth is like a school for souls, it is made of energy and how you use it, take responsibility for it… well that’s down to each of us. With our ever flowing freewill.

We are all responsible for the energy we create, share and project onto others, first some awareness to have the consciousness to own the power pulsating out of us.

Are you aware of the energy you put out, how powerful and valuable it is?

Choose wisely my ancestors say, choose wildly, choose whatever sets you free from the shackles that were past down to you.

What do yours say?

Thanks for reading.

The Grand Rising

Awakening to who we have always been

What has been burnt in the embers of the lost parts of soul are reawakening, transforming and emerging from the coma that I have slipped in and out of in this lifetime.

I feel it, the lost parts of my soul over lifetimes of suffering, losing my way, finding my way, jumping from one character to the next, wars, beauty , love, loss, transforming patterns across a sky. I have been it all, discovering more & more each day.

So what is this grand awakening? Well from my perspective it is the access to all that I already know. Remembering it all and using that consciousness to awaken at the time that myself and many other souls on this earth plane (in this thing humans have measured as time) all and each participating in a shift.

A shift that is pulling us out of our own shadows and ready to dance into the light, uniting all the colours of the rainbow, calling all parts of ourselves back to wholeness and then letting it burst out into the universe without fear of who or what it touches, as we know it is what we came for.

It is not without pain or suffering either, it pulls you deep into the unknown, the darkest depth of the ocean with a glimmer just guiding you, but then you come up for air and fly.

Fly to other planes, realms and float endlessly on a cloud feeling the full effects of unity consciousness, all sober of course. Well mine have been recently anyway.

I had to give up everything that I was clinging to, holding onto and completely surrender to the nakedness of my own vulnerability .

I had been hanging on in there for years, trying not to crack, and then I let go….

I fell for a while … but then I rose and each time stronger, more powerful, more sure of who the fuck I am. It hurt knowing I had keep myself a secret from myself.

Who was I hiding from … I was hiding from me.

Gran rising I was told over and over, those who fall into the darkest water rise up and take the biggest breaths into the knowing that all is not lost… just found.

As this shift occurs on Earth, what will it be that we came for?

I know nothing worth having was ever gonna come too easy, but not fighting it with the old wounded ways, this time with love, compassion and a deep understanding that we are all really afraid of our own light.

Its so easy and familiar to get lost in the darkness, loose yourself worshiping people “celebrities” when you could be worshiping the light in yourself, be your own celebrity.

The shifts are moving a pace that I can not quite describe how I see it, but its moving its drifting and dropping away old paradigms of lack from the mental bodies, digesting the mundane prophecies about the end of the world…

Remembering that this is an opportunity for the seeds in the darkness to make their first sprouts.

Some of us have been planted in the darkness, only be born into our own light.

Healing old wounds, instead of just licking them and retreating home, we know this is all part of growth, healing and the lessons that we have chosen on a subconsciousness level to learn.

So it is and so it shall be, its happening, the ball is rolling and always has been, in a constant moving forward motion that creates an endless dance from dark to light, our souls shift in and out of these vibrations of consciousness gliding like liquid, gas, plasma and into a solid matter forming but not quite before it takes on its next move.

The ever changing movement we call life. Hold on tight, sit back at times, but most importantly enjoy the ride. 😉

Decondition & Self Discovery

If I am not happy, maybe am I not being myself? Was I trying to be someone I was not? Someone I was told to be, Conditionally…

Self discovery is exciting ,finding out who you are, what you are good at, what you like and don’t, what you want to be and what we want to leave behind.

If we don’t have a clear sense of who we are or live that authentic self then we become depressed?

I think we know somewhere inside us who we are or want to be or start to create it, we might not be supported, but we might. There are people who have unconditional love out there for us even if we haven’t met them yet, but we can be an example and embody it or at least I am going to try too.

When we were kids we might have played, used our imagination and manifested the next years of our lives, took classes and studied. The school told us what we were good at and by testing us, but where we doing our best?

Or were we having a hard time at school, at home, in life in general? Is it the best time to taking tests in the teenage years?

Which to me is the most depressing time? Finding out father christmas, easter bunny whatever traditions are parents and society told us, then they tell us they were lying… no wonder people have trust issues. 

Then we have to decide and choose our futures. 

Is it designed that way so we rebel and go off and find ourselves?

Then we become adults, but what is an adult? It is a word, created and is the meaning opposite to a child? 

Maybe if we stopped separating ourselves from children and realise we can learn from them and our nature shouldn’t change at all. We end up so lost when we forget we were once a kids, with imaginations, dreams and ideas, that follow us into adulthood.

We could get to know ourselves, we can start to take time to invest into our own self discovery and give ourselves some healthy attention and discipline. Even if it’s 15 mins a day , just to stop and have a word with ourselves, imagine how the world could be.

We could ask ourselves these questions and see what comes up?

We all change and evolve our talents, likes and dislikes, skills and general interests are varied, thats what makes us all so interesting and unique 

If we can start to discover what they are and embrace them … could we live a more fulfilling life?

Just going to go spiritual for a moment here…

The sacral chakra, the second one which is a match to the colour orange (below the belly button) is what get blocks a lot when we are adults by not being creative and when we cant express who we really are.

We can get addictions, emotionally blocked and many more issues like fearing change, depression, codependency issues and it develops around the ages of 7-14 years, that´s an interesting age… isn’t it?

The age when I started to become conditioned?

I use WE, as we are society, generations we are all here playing our part. Some are the villains and others are heroes and some are lost in zombie nation.

Not that it isn’t fun to be lost, to be reckless to be wild… depending on where we are born our communities decide whats wild and whats calm, whats self destructive and what is healing.

But when we get so far away from ourselves we will hit an extreme of polarity and be forced to look back and see if this is the direction we want to go in.

Are we free? Are we following our hearts desires? 

Had I been conditioned to believe or follow what I have been told and taught in school, home and in society?

I can choose to accept the things we have been told with what we really feel, heart, mind, body and soul. Do they ring true? Do I believe it?

Who are we? without family, friends, the place we grew up in and cultural influences?

We all have the connection to ourselves and once we dig we discover what we really think and feel. This affects our day to day emotional state, have we been told how to feel or think from a young age and are we still are being told?

Accepting ourselves in the moment, stage of life, age and time we are living in will be a daily reminder and conscious work.

We can use the tools we have discovered inside us and take each day one by one. 

We might only have 5 days …. 50 …. Or 500 but we can accept the truth that our life will end and how we spend it is all in our creation with the tools, talents and qualities we each hold inside of us.

Mindset, beliefs & feelings.

We can create what we need inside ourselves & allow ourselves to feel it.

I realised that suppressing my feelings, as to pretend everything is fine is not a way to use my positive mindset. If I want healing, I am to recognise the feelings & feel them.

If I am angry be angry , if I am sad be sad. The time needed for these feelings to play out will depend not just on the situation but the conscious practice of allowing whatever is needed to be.

Also, if I am happy … allow myself to feel happy without guilt. It is not easy for all of us to feel happiness and be in the moment with it, maybe some of us became so programmed and use to negative feelings that happy ones are scary and gives us unfamiliar sensations.

For others happy emotions are a breeze rather than negative ones, 

Either way, it is recognising how I am feeling in each situation and allowing myself to feel how I feel … and stay in my energy field with my emotions.

Maybe we need a time out or a week away, take the time we need to focus on recognising our emotions and allowing them.

We are more than ever constantly connected to people, rushing around, always busy.

In the stillness of life, the answers come. 

A positive mindset to me is about trusting the universe, god or yourself to know that everything will work out in the end.

Looking at the lessons and problems (whatever we label them as) as what is this teaching me? What has this taught me? What got hurt, what needs to heal? or what needs to be created inside myself and given back to me.

Illness or disease has taught me that no matter what happened theres always a positive spin, even if we cant see it in the moment, it is there with a giggle and an ironic message attached, with a flowing abundance that follows later on.

My message or lesson is that illness taught me to go inside and be there for myself, my self destructive ways were literally taken away from me, my choices had become fewer. All my attention had to be focused purely on me. My healing and pain.

When you are stuck in bed you have no choice but to face whats really going on and that is a blessing, kind of like right now with the lockdown…

Facing pain is the only way out of it, of course there are distractions and things to cover it up for while, but it will manifests as it chooses in life.

When we ignore our pain, push it deep down into us, we are convince it will go away? But it doesn’t it festers and waits in the dark shadows crying, screaming and waiting to be rescued, sometimes it spills up out of us and onto others.

The shadow aspects of all of us are not always “negative” either, when we shine light on them and accept they are part of us, we set them free or allow a safe space for them to heal inside of us.

When we face pain ask it what it needs and find an understanding with compassion, we give ourselves the love we need to heal. Its life changing, although at times can be uncomfortable, the growth is infinite.

One thing I have learnt is when you honour how you feel and don’t abandon those feelings you create a space for self love which leads to healing.

Our belief systems have been created each so unique from the another based on perspective and experiences.

Some may be harming us still to this day even though it happened a long time ago, maybe we hold negative beliefs about ourselves ? Our culture, our country … it literally could be anything that is stopping us from healing that wound.

Maybe someone bigger, smarter (we thought) told us and we believed them?

But do we need to hold onto to all those negative beliefs forever ? The ones about ourselves? If we aren’t good or pure enough, we are going to hell and all that BS.

Belief is so deep rooted in some of us that we cant even find any awareness until someone points out to us, the labels , the harsh spoken words that broke us into pieces. 

Words are powerful, we cast spells with our words everyday, are we speaking words of kindness to ourselves, this can create our mindset & belief systems.

A positive mindset isn’t about denying our wounds, never… its about learning from them so we understand we went through it to gain new insight to release some of those negative belief systems that are stopping us from…

Feeling love

Feeling appreciated

Feeling warmth 

Feeling connection 

Feeling worthy

Feeling understood

Feeling noticed 

Feeling joy

We all hurt, we all heal in different ways, what resonates with us for our healing is the great story we can share and use to help others with theirs.

Our mindset might need some adjusting, we feel it, we start to become aware of how it might be someone else words in our heads and our words that have got distorted.

This energy circling in society about not catching feels or be strong , be independent. It is a form of bypassing our pain and that is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. We should be feeling our feels no matter if we don’t get what we want, some of us are so used to apps and getting things, we swapped feelings for pretending not to care, when humans are made of ALL emotions.

We can be constantly distracted from our emotions , work, media, drama whatever is the flavour of the month, but feeling is LIVING.

Maybe what the world needs a big cry , hug and then we can release all that toxic history and tension? Global cry anyone?

At times I was so busy I was like I will cry later when I get home after work, then if I forgot it didn’t go away, it came back with 5 times the power and then I was having a meltdown in my local supermarket because they ran out of my favourite chocolate.

Feeling can be a totally new sensation to us, if we have learnt to suppress feelings.

Trauma healing needs the right kind of attention that we didn’t get in the original moment or we couldn’t give it ourselves as we had left our body…. Disassociated and the soul or ego says “oh hell no, cant deal with this right now.” 

This is where our higher self can step in and show us the bigger picture, with road signs, compassion and hug to show us its ok to feel whatever we feel and accept that we or that person couldn’t meet our needs in that moment, show us the way to go and be prepared for next time, there is no app for this … just yet.

A polite reminder that the love we need, we can create it inside ourselves and ALLOW ourselves to feel it.

A positive mindset can change your life, but I try not to use it to suppress or deny my reality.

We all deserve to heal from the things that hurt us.

I call upon my higher self, it always knows what I need in the moment, but trusting yourself is the key to growth.

The truth hurts, the truth sets us free… the awareness of our truth can be awakening.

Thanks for reading.